Let me first start off by saying that I love my kids and love being a stay-at-home mom. But like any job, some days or weeks are harder than others.
I’ve hit a wall. And I’ve hit it hard.
Currently I’m sitting here half dressed after being puked on, not once but twice in the last 30 minutes. First by my baby and then my toddler who was refusing my second attempt to feed her lunch for the second time today. And this comes after a day of non-stop doing.
I can’t do it all! As much as I want to… I just can’t.
My body hurts. It physically hurts and I need to listen to it. This is day 4 of minimal sleep, running errands, cooking, cleaning, caring for an infant, caring for a toddler, pumping… and I’m down right depleted.
Now don’t get me wrong, I could do less. I could not cook or clean up after my family or choose to watch TV over taking my kids out to do fun activities, but the thing is, I want to do those things.
I want to be an amazing mom, wife, and blogger. I want to do it all and more! But realistically I can’t.
Primarily I know I need to take it a little easier on myself. I can’t be everywhere at the same time. I can’t do it all, all the time. I can’t please everyone all the time. And although I sit here typing this, its really hard for me to believe it.
Some days I notice I don’t even sit for hours. Constantly running between kid, feedings, diapers, cleaning up, cooking, errands, baths, laundry, play dates, pumping, dishes, packing up the kids, unpacking for the kids, folding clothes, picking up toys…. it’s NEVER ending! And this doesn’t even count keeping up with social obligations and spending time with the hubs.
And to be honest, I’m a bit scared. Winter is coming and I’m nervous about finding balance with two demanding little kids during the cold months. Deep down I know I will get use to it but I’m still a bit anxious about the learning curve.
So I’m making some changes. Changes that will hopefully save me a little time and help me stay sane.
- post 2 times a week – I wanted to continue sharing recipes and blog posts 3 times a week like I did last year but realistically I can’t. My main blogging time is now in the the middle of the night or at 4-6am, and that is not sustainable. Instead I plan to post less but spend more time on each post. Quality over quantity.
- cook simpler meals – I admit I’ve been making simpler meals since Bean was born and I hope to keep this up. I’ve been using the slow cooker all the time, freezing leftovers, and making mostly 5-7 ingredient/30 minute meals. But even still there are times when making dinner is almost impossible. So meals might just have to get simpler.
- saying no – I can’t be everywhere at once or please everyone. So as much as I love doing things with friends and family I can’t always say yes. The trick for me will be to find a balance between saying no and still being social with those I love.
- be realistic about what I can do each day – I am truly struggling with this one. I feel like it’s not unrealistic to say, I want to take my kids to the Children’s Museum, run to the grocery store and make dinner in one day. But some days, just those simple things prove to be way too much to handle.So I’m trying… like really trying to be OK with having lots of unproductive days. If my week doesn’t go according to plans or I have to cancel a play date because my toddler is having a melt down, or skip the grocery store because I didn’t sleep at all the night before and having showered in 3 days. That’s OK.. We will just stay home and life will go on.
- ask for help – This is a constant struggle for me. I am not the kind of person to ask for help especially if it wasn’t offered. And I hate having to ask the same people for help all the time. This probably goes back to the fact that I want to be able to do it all by myself, all the time. But I’m need to get over it and just ask. The worse that will happen is they will say no.
I can’t guarantee that I will do these things all the time nor that it will make life that much easier but I know I have to start somewhere.
And just like that, one of my girls gives me an unsolicited warm and loving hug and it’s all worthwhile again. My heart is filled and I know exactly why I do this everyday. And the hard days don’t seem to matter any more.
She doesn’t care if I’m perfect or if everything is in order all the time. She just wants a mom who is there and present and awake.
All I know right now is that being a parent is not easy and that I will keep trying to figure it out for many years to come.
Parents out there what are your thoughts? Any tips on finding a balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙂